poems i have written over the past ten years. some in pain, some in joy and some in plain lunacy
If tomorrow I shall die at the age of sixty then today I shall live as if I were eighteen again and remember that I had high hopes then and have seen each one crumble to dust before my eyes My tears will roll from wrinkled cheeks as they did at that young age I will remember that I cried then for the same reason I cry now I love life and want to keep it for all my earthly possessions are mine and mine alone. Won't you come and lay your head down beside me Tell me it will be alright in the morning I know nothing will change and when I die it will all stay the same. My love is dead. It died at eighteen. I lived life for hope's sake. Hope is dead. I am dead. |
I sat at home today I remember earlier I saw a movie It gave me hope Hope for a better future The future is a joke. Hope is a joke. My life is a joke. I know now that life will never change Change is just a word A word on a page A page in a book Books mean nothing The Bible is a book Books mean nothing Just words on a page in a book that means nothing Life was once described as a book Each man was a page or a chapter All were bound in one giant book Books mean nothing But, I remember earlier I saw a movie. |
I called when I was on the verge It was you who saved me Not by pleading or begging But telling me there was someone there for me I never told you I was going to die But somewhere deep inside You heard me cry out And you reached out and grabbed me by the hand You grabbed me by the hand You grabbed me by the hand and you pulled me back into the world You gave life meaning again And I thank you. For now I shall relive this new feeling of hope I thank you. Until the next time And then will even you be too late? Thank you. |
And if I said I love you would you turn away And deny me all that I desire or would you return my love in your own unbridled way I doubt this for you have denied me many times before so why should it be different now We are older but your heart is still the same I cry aloud but the noise goes unheeded I beg for mercy and your laugh chills my soul I end my life And it all remains the same. I lie in my grave and then I hear you say I love you. and I cry silently |
I miss your love for I turn and you are gone I miss your touch for distance kills all sensation I miss your voice because my screams are no comparison They say time kills all Lies, all lies Distance kills all Do you care for me But I turn and you are gone |
If to write No If to write poetry Please do not confuse me Did I not say I loved them No Did I not say I care But what difference does it make No What good are emotions to the deaf Can you hear me No Do you understand No Are you even listening Yes But I can't make out the words Dedicated to Brian Teasly. I'm still deciphering your poems. |
Begin at the beginning and end before you die Don't start what you cannot finish Why say things you do not mean Don't laugh at words said jokingly Meanings are everywhere in the modern world Life's a joke A trigger or a blade Finish the problem before it starts That's what they said Are they happy now And life goes on for those that can handle it Can you? |
Are you scared for me Do you think I am dying What a silly question Of course I am dying But I am in no hurry I have many tasks to complete before my life can end And you call me up now and cry to me Your sorrow is a revelation Your depression brings me joy My pen moves faster as the tears drop from your eyes I would beg forgiveness but the paper denies me my freedom I would cry with you but I have no time to spare But thank you, for the thought, mom. |
The rope tightens around my neck I hear the creak of boards as my body swings left right left My brain fills with translucent figures My eyes bulge to make the world clearer My tongue swells to taste its last flavor My body tingles as sensation is drained My vessels expand to pump my blood faster The rope breaks and I'm given another chance. |
It has come to an end I look behind me and see the last wave roll out to sea I turn to look forward The sky is dark A light on the horizon tells me there is more Something more to life I take my first step but fall to the ground I crawl a second step but I am held back by another I punch my captor and I am forced back to where I began I realize the light is only a rainbow but why can't it be mine I cry where I lay and realize that my life has stopped I turn I turn and take a seat at my desk I am clamped in the chair and the ride is over My youth is dead. |
Cry Cry Cry It does no good The unhappiness persists And life goes on Death is an exit but I keep pushing on Why Why Why I don't know Life is hell And alcohol is my sedative Why does it have to be like this? I cry But it never ends. |
I look around calm faces unlike mine. fear tenses my body I shake silently trying to conceal trying to hide the fright hoping begging pleading no one finds out I turn a girl smiles nervous smile I laugh silently relieved I'm not alone. |
Unhappiness everywhere I turn slapping me down why I'm only human love me for what I am not who I am I love you Don't you understand Don't you care? turn around I love you Can't you hear me screaming for your love Why walk away happiness is a fable a cruel tale make do life ends soon enough |
Beauty faded never there maybe Is it time indecision another She was beautiful Is she now? I used to love her I used to care do I now Her beauty moved me inspired me why not now Was it time or is it me? |
The water washing over me rising to my waist a childhood friend walks by the water washing over me rising to my chest another girlfriend says good-bye the water washing over me rising to my neck the end of school draws near the water washing over me rising to my face the summer is half over the water washes over me completely drowning my youth. The water washing over me carries off the blood of my last mistake. |
Depression setting in my sight grows hazy I reach but feel nothing a light surrounds me but I see nothing I scream but I hear nothing I sense the walls but no door out out of this hell this depression I crawl but it does no good the walls are endless and it never stops. |
The world is divided night and day the forces combine to fight to end the battle I stand alone between them sneers from both sides trap me in the middle to the day I am a coward to the night I am the enemy I lift my hands in life in peace to merge the forces end the war my efforts are answered I sink to the ground blood flows underneath which side did this to me It does not matter both and the war continues. |
Life is dull. a repetitive trip into nothing an eternalizing circle leading from one bad choice to another causing life to slide continuously downhill as life plummets the path gets steeper finally turning a slant to a straight fall a fall into nothing sleep, maybe sometimes death wake from sleep to start the trip again. |
I said I love you as we walked along the beach holding hands only us I love you You turned and blushed I said I need you as we walked along the beach grips loosening I need you you backed away startled I said marry me as we ran down the beach me chasing you hands apart marry me you ran from me terrified I asked if you loved me as our distances closed coming together fingers touching Do you love me? you came to me without fear whispering I do I do |
Alone I stand here crying to myself wondering why why life has to be like this lonely depressing the room is dark Dark with my shadows of sorrow I remember you almost as if you were some dream lying by my side lips touching, barely. fingertips caressing your gentle skin I lean to kiss you and choke as I fall and the rope closes around my neck. |
I hear a tune calling me. drip I feel the world moving changing flowing all around me drip all around me. I see the world scarlet and beautiful drip drip the images fade as you near me. drip drip you cry eyes filled with scarlet tears drip drip lips moving scarlet lips drip drip begging me pleading me to stay drip drip Why are you crying? drip drip but the images return and the tune plays on. |
Passions overflowing with the mention of your name I long to hear your voice again whispered softly in my ear Your beauty inspires and your words command Please come to me my love And I scream your name across the night Valarie. |
The very voice of freedom is screaming in my face. A scream of bondage wrapped in chains of lies and spies Our country has called on us not to defend it but to go on the cross for their forgiveness for their deliverance deliverance from the sins of fear We travel quietly down the road the road of the unknown and we are crucified for it for being original and for being the first. Now we stand marked and will forever suffer the punishment for crimes that were never committed nor ever will be |
Life is love is hope is beauty is meaning is understanding I love you my love I love my life Your gentle answer swaying me without a word The caressing touch that never happens I glow with the happiness that will never come nor ever is But the feeling of life and the longing of love with gentle caressing fingers makes me listen to the answers that were always there but never apparent. |
There is nothing nothing to attach to nothing to protect you All is lost your youth is done all hope has gone Love is a fable they all go away our lives are a play Go back to sleep and try to rest your soul it's beyond your control |
I lie awake and know know that it will never happen never be A wish just a stupid wish but the beauty it holds unmatched by any other I hope Hope is a myth It either does or does not I join the two as the fallen martyr even my death signifies nothing. |
Strange happiness overcomes a lifeless body not so lifeless dead to the world but feeling persists physically living mentally vacant the happy man talks on talks about nothing talks about everything why does he try why does he care we don't we listen with a smile a meaningless smile a deaf ear our minds take us take us away from old man babble take us away from the junk of the world but the voice drones on we crash noiselessly back back into the scum-filled seas back into the trash-filled lands back into our happy homes we become the man to babble to the next who listens. |
The wandering mind has wandered once again times of happiness draw to a close I now go back to sleep the sleep of depression it frees the mind but claims the heart I am happy in a sad way I strive for more and complain I have it why can't life be both and neither I want none of it I need all of it I will be the one who cries shall you be the one who listens? |
I sit in my chair staring at the room around me the empty room nothing to keep me to hold me to this world this evil sad world I should go but I always hope. nothing ever works nothing is good nothing is everything in this world this pathetic world I can only hope. it lasts so long then disappears. |
I wish that you knew emotions I feel you are the one unlock the door I travel blind falling I reach for your beauty I reach for your soul I wish that you knew what has become I lie on the ground crushed by your Love |
I am in love again It has surrounded me And caused all the bad in my life trapped between commitment and freedom I have chosen the wrong path Now I lay in middle wishing for the things that can never be wishing for the things that will never be the pain is now a part of me and I will never be happy and I can never be happy again. |
Chailly I miss you your hair, eyes, lips, everything I miss touching you holding you in my arms kissing you knowing that I was complete with you. I want to have you again know that you are all mine once more kiss you hold you once more but that can never be my doubt would kill me and you. I am to blame I know it was all me guilt, suspicion you tried to love me I couldn't see it I'm sorry If things were different I would love you right and not force you to be elsewhere with somebody else but I'm only fooling myself we make our own choices. I was a bad boyfriend I apologize but you were a worse girlfriend |
Evil World |
Things are never the same after it happens what could be done to stop the pain to stop it all Walking through life ignoring the abuse the tragedy we all feel the everyday horror of the everyday things But we don't notice or do and just keep ignoring and just keep walking. |
Sun Beaming Down happy people dancing everyone smiles everyone sings the world is beautiful again We destroyed it once polluted seas trashy lands But all is gone Banded together fixed the bad and now we are happy again without our cans without our cars and now we are happy and now are we happy? |
© the adventures of a failed writer - 2003
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