a girl's life. scary, isn't it?
Alive Black destroy The end Fear If only Lost My obsessed soul Piss off Psycho Rage Shit What we were You You get what you give Life Can I do it? Dealing gets harder and harder every day When you're here your not I can't make you happy Your feelings have changed I can't lose you I will find out I will end her Tell me Tell me Have I hurt you? Tell me You act different We talk What can I do? Eternal Lover
I stand by you You keep my head above water Your words touch my soul You wipe my tears You make me smile You defend me I'll stay with you Lucifer Let me in What it is I feel your knives I see what you see You shy away Tell me how to help you You cry out in silence I always hear you Together We are forever joined It has been tried We have been pulled apart But somehow, Safe
The night air is cool
I can hear the breeze ruffle the leaves of a near by tree
You run your fingers through my hair
A chill runs down my spine
A thousand lightening bugs surround us
Crickets are the night's music
I look deep into your eyes
And kiss you
The butterflies in my stomach travel up through my throat
I feel you hands on my body
My heart and mind race
Every inch of me tingles
As we fall deep into each other i can feel deep into your soul
Your skin so soft
Another deep kiss
And i lose my mind
Heat rushes over my body
Like boiling water it fills my brain
I feel your heart racing
And taste the salt of your skin
Your fingertips and feet are cold
Your lips soft
Our lips are all over each other
The taste of sweat fills my mouth
I close my eyes and lose myself
And with a surge of energy it's over
As i sit in my imagination
The darkness surrounds me
I hear nothing
The silence is deafening
I'm all alone
Not a friend in the world
Dark clouds surround me
The rain begins to fall
I feel like I've lost my best friend
Then realize i have
My heart's ripped out and lying on the floor
Tears stream down my face
It gets cold
My teeth chatter
I'm soaked to the bone
Every inch of me is wet
Is it from the rain
Or from my tears
I fall to the floor
My head in my hands
I'm all alone
As i lay on the floor
The darkness turns to water
I take a deep breath before i sink below the surface
I open my eyes
The salt burns
I jerk awake quickly
It was only a dream
No water, no flood
But still i cry
My eyes are red
They burn
As i sit all alone in the darkness
I sit alone
At my computer
Two friends are lost
One stolen
One drifting
What shall i do?
Should i kill?
Should i cry?
Should i kill myself?
Should i kill the one who stole my friends away?
Is this the answer?
Someone help me!!
I'm going to bust
I'm going to crack wide open
The pressure is building
I think of ways to destroy the people that have hurt me:
My life was empty
Until you
We shy away from each other
But know we love each other
A door is opened
We become friends
I find a great friendship
And hopefully a passionate love
I was wrong
My world turned upside-down
You tell me you have to leave
I say, "Who cares"
We spend our last days together
Laughing and loving
And in the end i know
I'll watch you go
As fear courses through my body
The nervousness rises up
My hands are cold
Yet they sweat
My mind races
Yet remains calm
My body shakes
The blood seems to travel through my veins at one hundred miles an hour
My eyes clear
Yet they see nothing
As I sit writing
I think about what is to come
Will there be pain
Will there be suffering
My heart pounds
As i move ahead on my journey
I think about you all the time
Even though i know i can't have you
You're in my daydreams
You're in my nightmares
My heart skips a beat every time you walk in the room
Even though i know i can't have you
The power you have over me is unimaginable
If only you knew how much you mean to me
I can tell you anything
You are my release
I cry tears for you and you don't even know it
Your mysterious ways inspire me
If only i could get inside of your soul
You've brought me out of a dark place and don't even know it
If only i could tell you
If only i could have you
Touch you
Feel you
If only...
A wondering soul
A blackened heart
A clouded mind
A faceless girl
A soul that was free
Now locked in a prison
A heart that was full of love
Now full of hate
A mind that was creative
Now full of nothing
A face that was beautiful
Now ugly and scarred
A lifeless body floating through time
Never knowing what will happen next
In need of love
In need of caring
But will she remain a lost soul forever...?
We have a strange relationship
You and i
Are we friends?
Or are we lovers?
Your words make me think
My soul stirs with every waking thought of you
I need you here
But you're so far
You take away my pain
You take away my emptiness
My mind is always filled with you
If only you knew
You have pulled my blackened heart out of darkness
And turned it red again
My head is finally above water
No more drowning
The torment of us being apart is pleasure to me
With my obsessed soul
Today you pissed me off
Every little thing you did crawled under my skin
I didn't get the good vibes from you today
I got hateful and mean vides instead
I felt like i was going to explode
If i didn't punch you
You make a smart-ass remark
I make one back, but it strikes a nerve
You slapped me across the face
I punch you in the stomach
There is no more love between us
No more friendship, no more trust
We slowly destroy each other
Hateful glances
And two broken lives
As i sit i listen
To the sounds on TV
To the sounds in the apartment next door
The laughing of two actors
The woman who slams the bathroom cabinet
The drier spinning downstairs
The little 6-year-old running on the porch
The birds
The dogs
Silence suddenly
No breath
No movement
Anger and rage course through my veins
Hatred fills the depths of my soul
Tears pour from my eyes
My jaw clenched shut
A pounding heart in my chest
Two tight fists at my side
My mind races, thoughts of terror and destruction
I loose myself
The pain is overbearing
No one understands
No one can help
Only i can fight through it
Everything that can go wrong does
People die, hearts get broken, lives are changed forever
My rage travels on
My center ripped out
Lies are told
Promises are broken
Friends are lost
Still, my rage travels on...
Do you know what it feels like to go crazy?
Do you know what it feels like to have someone drive you insane?
You always give, but you never get
Argue, fuss, and fight
I'm lonely
Very lonely
No friends
Only enemies
Dark world
Cold mind
Homesick, but don't wanna go home
Need an outlet for release
Is suicide my answer?
Cannot love anymore
Tears fall
Body hurts
Nothing has meaning anymore
Drugs and drinking maybe?
Violent sex and violent lives
Abuse
No love, only infatuation
Keep it inside
Don't wanna tell you how i feel
I do love you, very much love
Need you here, need you help
But i'm all alone today
We're not what we were
Things have changed
You don't call
You don't write
You used to say, "i love you"
Now you don't
Things have gone terribly wrong
I don't feel the same way
You have changed
I have changed
For i love another
He can give me everything you can't
He can give me love and shelter
He can take away the pain you cause
And you will never know
I reach out, longing for anyone, a hand, a body
I'm all alone in a dark, black world
I need your touch, your kiss, you
I sit in the darkness
A slave to the spirits, day and night
They scare me
It's cold
Your arms were warm
Your heart soft
I miss you
At night i dream of you,
But the spirits make them nightmares
During the day i cry for you
It rains cold, hard drops that sting my face
I can hear the thunder rumble across the cold, gray sky
The lightning flashes, bright and yellow, like fire in my sinful soul
I think of you
I see your beautiful face
Your deep brown eyes make light in my world
You reach for me but are never really there
I scream
Another cold day
I cry more
My soul ripped to pieces
My soul like stone
I need your love,
But realize I'll never have it
I scream your name
I'm so sick of your bullshit
You fuckin' bullshit
You string me along
You think you can play me
Your wrong
I see through you
I'm not an ordinary girlfriend
But you don't know
I'm playing you back
You'll get what you deserve
And it will be sooner that you think
Revenge is so sweet
And i love another
Can I make it?
When you're here your sad
She can make you happy
Your touch has changed
I will not lose you
I will find away
And then I will end you
What have I done?
Have I said something?
So I can make it right
Not sure why
We laugh
But your not there
Tell me
Through thick and thin
You keep me breathing
Your hands, my heart
And keep them for a rainy day
Even when my demons come
When my enemies close in
Forever and ever
Even after the grave
I want to know
That torments you so
I feel you demons
I feel what you feel
You hide your tears
I want to make the pain go away
But I hear you,
In a bond so true
It has been tested
We have loved others
We have found our way back to each other's arms
True
Loving
© the adventures of a failed writer - 2003
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